I Am Losing My Mother – A Letter from an Alzheimer’s Daughter
Dear Governor Kate Brown,
I write this letter hoping that you will read it because I cannot let another day go by without letting you know that I am losing my mother. She is locked away in a memory care home, and I do not know when I will ever be able to hold her hand again.
It has been almost three months. That is an eternity for my mother.
My mom always told me to walk a mile in someone else’s shoes, so I am going to ask you to walk a mile in my shoes.
Imagine if you will your own mother, lost in late-stage Alzheimer’s. She cannot walk; she does not speak very much; she does not know you are her daughter, only that you are a nice lady who comes to visit. You used to cut her hair, sit with her when the accordion man came to play, you cut her nails and you painted them, you brought her dinner, you played her music and sang with her, and you listened to her crazy Alzheimer’s stories. You hugged her and whispered in her ear that you love her, hoping beyond hope that her soul knew just how much you cared.
And then imagine that a pandemic swept the world and suddenly you could not see her anymore in person. Then imagine your town started opening back up, but there was no guidance on when or if you could see your mother again. Imagine reading that Oregon’s Phase 3 may happen when there is “a reliable treatment or vaccine … available.” Imagine!
Do I have to wait until there is a vaccine before I can see my mother? Would you be willing to wait if it were your mother in a memory care home? If not, then please let us know when memory care homes will open. There are thousands of people in memory care in Oregon and thousands more family members aching to be with their loved ones.
We need hope!
At the beginning of the pandemic, I believed we were working to protect a vulnerable population from COVID-19, but now I think we are causing them untold suffering beyond anything the virus could bring them. My mother does NOT understand at all what is happening. She believes I have abandoned her, that I no longer love her or want to visit her. She languishes alive yet lonely, and I ask you, is that better?
When this is over and if she is still alive, I wonder what will be left of her mind and her soul.
What is your plan for my mom, for me, and for every one of us who waits? I am begging you to put some guidelines and allowances in place to open up memory care homes and nursing homes before Phase 3. Our family members with dementia and Alzheimer’s deserve to have the love and closeness of family with them when they need it most. Give us some hope because that is what we need right now.
Please walk a mile in my shoes! I am begging you for my mom and for all of them.
Sincerely,
Jennifer Sullivan
PS – I have included a page with my ideas about how memory care could be opened slowly and as safe as possible to family members.
My Ideas for Reopening Memory Care Homes
- Only one family member may visit at a time
- Only one family visitor may be in the building at a time
- Family members who want to visit must schedule with the memory care home
- Visit time will be limited to no more than one hour (perhaps 30 minutes)
- Each family member can only visit ONE time during a week. This allows for better contact tracing and is a “just in case” measure
- Each visitor must have their temperature checked and fill out a health screening document before being let into the building
- A log will be kept of all visitors
- Visitors must wear a face mask, must use hand sanitizer before entering the building and if necessary, wear gloves
- Each visitor will be escorted to their family member’s room where they may visit at a social distance
- Each visitor will be escorted from the building at the end of their visit
- Each resident can have only one visitor a day
I mailed this letter two weeks ago and feel that was enough time to hear from the governor or read about changes. There have been none in Oregon, so I’m sharing with everyone. Maybe if more people join in and ask, we can get change here in Oregon.